Public Memo - Article center

Memo From Human Resource

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: November 01, 2004
> RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take placeon December 23,
starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a
cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done
at that time; however, no gift should be over 10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special
announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: November 02, 2004
> RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,
though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our
"Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians
or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present.
No Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: November 03, 2004
> RE: Holiday Party
>
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting
a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the nion members
feel that 10.00 is too much money and executives believe 10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> To: All Employees
> DATE: November 04, 2004
> RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy
month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes
the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not
accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to
take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men;
each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's
table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on
a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high
blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics;
the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Bloody Employees
> DATE: November 05, 2004
> RE: The Bloody Holiday Party

Vegetarian, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest
from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your bloody salad bar,
including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when
you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> DATE: November 08, 2004
> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll
continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!